Love Note #75: Familiar Place, Fresh Eyes

What possibilities are here that I currently cannot see?

Hello Beloved,

I began a fun experiment I call, “Familiar places with fresh eyes.”

Here's how it began…

As many of you know, I’ve lived in LA now for 15+ years.

This city has been such a great place for different cycles of my life. It's been the place I've deconstructed and evolved to become the woman I am today – spiritually, emotionally, creatively, erotically.

I remember feeling like I might live here forever.

I would go to other places because I’ve always loved to travel, but I remember the feeling upon my return… LA is home.

But then life here began to feel lackluster. Often, I'd wake up searching for the meaning of my life here in this city. Missing the way I’d come alive, feel more wonder and curiosity in other places.

At first, I thought it was unique to Brooklyn - I make an annual visit there to see my brother, and I love that place. I noticed however, it was every time I left Los Angeles County.

This led me to wonder, is something changing?

Since our first encounter, LA and I have had an on-and-off relationship.

For over two decades I’ve left and lived here on four distinct occasions. Each time, I never thought I would return, only to find myself back in the embrace of the city.

I simply accepted this long-term relationship that we have with each other, unexplainable at times yet always undeniable.

Yet more and more, I experienced a contrast between what my life in LA is like now and how I feel when I visit other places.

Sounds a lot like the relationships we experience with each other, right?

“Sometimes what you are looking for is already there” - Aretha Franklin

LA is one of the biggest cities in the country. There are so many things to see and enjoy here. Even with all that the city has been through with the recent devastation of fires, I wondered one day- How could I possibly be bored?

Maybe I’ve changed, and it’s asking me to change my perspective, to change the way I approach and view things.

I believe our surroundings affect us, that change is brings fresh energy and opens new possibilities.

And I also know that discontent isn't just about the "other" - the person, job, or city. When we move on, break up, change the situation – we bring along all that has not changed in the inner experience.

I’ve wished so many times it were that easy, to make a clean cut and have a “new beginning” only to find the same experience starring back at me.

So I decided to embark on some research.

This is something I often encourage my clients to do when they are exploring transformation, stagnancy, discontent or feeling lackluster in their desire.

It involves posing a question to yourself to set up an exploration, a way to play with life and open to the possibilities.

For me I wondered – “what if I could look at Los Angeles, a familiar place, with fresh eyes?”

Like any relationship that’s grown familiar, we can overlook its beauty, be dismissive of its uniqueness and take for granted what’s right before us.

I wondered if I could direct the attention of my wanderlust and spontaneity and look at LA in this same way?

When I began, I found things that I like to do, things that when I’m in a new place– live music, healthy eating, arts events, places outdoors, ways to meet people, nature, stargazing.

Suspending any impulse of familiarity, the practice is presence - seeing, feeling, touching as if for the first time.

Each time intentionally choosing an outfit like I might meet someone new,

Purchasing tickets in advance or making reservations – which is a form of committing to go and

Embracing the event with openness and a hopeful expectation of a good time.

This experiment came during a time of personal reflection. With all the changes happening, I’ve wondered:

What is this new stage of my life that I am entering?

What has changed in how I view familiar things?

What do I desire for and in my life now? What is meaningful to me?

Or maybe it’s less about where I am and more about who I am experiencing it with.

We’ll see what the research reveals, what this effort to rekindle my relationship with LA reveals.

Will we find that next layer of depth, or will we part ways? I don't know.

One thing I do know for sure is that whatever you place your attention on flourishes...

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Can you relate?

Have you ever had something that doesn’t feel complete yet it’s lacking a vibrancy, a connectedness you once knew?

I invite you to join me in the play and journey of taking something familiar – a place, a habit, a relationship, even the way you do something mundane..

Look at it like the first time – be open to seeing it in a new way, interacting with it freshly, showing up differently, without process, ramp up or too much thinking.

Try it and see what you notice or learn.

Keep me posted, and as always…